i love my friends, but hate being a bridesmaid...

So we were given the option of any dress we wanted... with a few rules.
It HAD to be Sailor Blue,
It HAD to be Satin
& it HAD to be tea length.

Still cool... except this is the only non-strapless dress by 3 designers that fits all the requirements....

So as far as things I've been dying to share with the class, well, I'm coming up empty!
I have no filters, so its not like I've kept anything from y'all.
So now what?
I could bring in my 7-minute story telling audio from the Stoop Storytelling series, the article I wrote for the Jewish Times about the same misadventure, the rolling cube - which I think you've all now seen - or my cat. I love my cat.
But Jared is allergic, and I'm not really up for cat herding in the old bordello.

So any ideas?


For Erin:


Speaking of Ronco...

RonCo, the brainchild of Ron “Ronco” Popeil, is one of America’s unique inventors.
Over the past 40 years, his products have pulled in more than $2 billion in sales, and been mocked by some of my favorite comedians!
Fun aside, the homework assignment was to bring instructions that had unnecessary steps. I've turned the text I have deemed unnecessary red. The scary thing is while reading through it, I realized there are TONS of people out there who NEED to have these instructions written out. Now I wonder what level of intelligence our audience should have!

Showtime™ Compact Rotisserie & BBQ Oven

IMPORTANT: “Set It and Forget It” only after all instructional materials (written
And video) have been carefully followed.

Make sure food safely rotates without touching the heating element.


When using electrical appliances, basic safety precautions should always be
Taken, including the following:

These 2 items: Grate Cover and Drip Tray must always be in place when
using your Rotisserie

  1. Very important: Read all instructions and watch instructional video before using the machine.
  2. To protect against electrical hazards, do not immerse cord, plug or appliance itself in water or other liquids.
  3. Do not touch hot surfaces. (NOTE: Glass door, top, back and sides of the rotisserie, as well as the 3-Piece Food Steamer, Drip Tray, Grate Cover and Heating Element all get very hot during use and retain heat after use – even when glass door is positioned underneath the unit) Always use adequate oven mitts or gloves when handling these hot surfaces and when checking hot foods.
  4. Close supervision is necessary when appliance is used by or near children.
  5. Unplug rotisserie from outlet when not in use, and allow unit to cool thoroughly before putting on or taking off parts, such as the Drip Tray and Grate Cover before cleaning.
  6. Do not operate any appliance with a damaged cord or plug after the appliance malfunctions or is dropped or damaged in any manner. Return the appliance to Popeil Inventions, Inc. for examination, repair, electrical or mechanical adjustment.
  7. Turn off and unplug the rotisserie if you smell or see smoke or fire. After it has cooled down, make adjustments so nothing touches the heating element as the food rotates. Do not open the glass door until it has cooled down. This is an electrical appliance, never put water in it, or on it, to cool it down or stop it from smoking.
  8. Do not use any attachments or anything that is not recommended by Popeil Inventions, Inc. The use of such items may be hazardous.
  9. Do not use outdoors.
  10. Do not let cord hang over edge of table or counter or touch hot surfaces.
  11. Do not place appliance on or near a hot gas or electric burner, in a heated oven or near easily flammable material.
  12. Use only on a stable, heat-resistant surface and place unit at least 8” (inches) from walls and at least 8” (inches) clear above unit.
  13. To disconnect, turn machine Timer to “OFF” position, then grip plug and pull from wall outlet. Do not pull on cord.
  14. Always unplug the oven before attempting to move it. Never move the unit when it contains hot oil, liquids or hot foods.
  15. Use extreme caution when working near the hot pieces and the Heating Element after using rotisserie as these parts become (and remain) very hot. Also use maximum care when removing DripTray or disposing of hot grease or other hot liquids.
  16. When using the Rotisserie Baskets, be sure no small bones or other food can fall between or extend beyond the wires and catch on the Grate Cover or Heating Element or anything else during rotation. It is important to check while cooking. If the food is still not tight, stop the machine and carefully take out the basket and tighten the lid.
  17. Do not clean with a metal scouring pad. Pieces can break off the pad and touch electrical parts, creating a risk of electrical shock. In addition, scouring pads may damage rotisserie finish.
  18. Do not use appliance for other than its intended use.
  19. Oversized foods or metal utensils must not be inserted in the appliance as they may create a fire or risk of electrical shock.
  20. Front, back, top, bottom and side surfaces become very hot. Do not allow contact with any objects other than Steaming/Heating Tray in its proper operating position. A fire may occur if the rotisserie is covered or touching flammable material, including curtain, draperies, walls, and the like, when in operation.
  21. Do not place, or store, any objects or material other than food and manufacturer’s recommended accessories in the rotisserie.
  22. Unplug unit before changing/replacing the interior light bulb (25-watt small appliance bulb).
  23. Polarized Electrical Plug: To reduce the hazard of potential shock, this item has a polarized plug (one prong is wider then the other), which will fit only one way in a polarized outlet. If the plug does not fit the outlet properly, turn the plug the other way; if it still does not fit, contact a qualified electrician for assistance. Never use this plug with an extension cord unless it fits properly. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO DEFEAT THIS SAFETY FEATURE
  24. SHORT CORD INSTRUCIONS: A short cord is provided to reduce the risks of becoming tangled in or tripping over a longer cord. Extension cords may be used if care is exercised in their use and the wattage rating is at least as great as the wattage stamped on the back of the appliance. If an extension cord is used, it should be arranged so that it will not drape over the counter or tabletop where it can be reach by children or tripped over accidentally.



Please Don’t Take “Set It and Forget It” Literally

Always use caution by checking your Rotisserie from time to time.
It is highly unlikely, but if you should see or smell smoke it’s because the food is rubbing against the hot Heating element. This indicates that the meat or poultry is too big or it wasn’t tied properly – or the food is off-center (lopsided) on the spit rods. If this occurs. Turn off and unplug your machine. Do not open the glass door. Let it cool down.

Trim any excess fat or mat, retie your food tightly and be sure the food is centered on the spit rods so it always rotates without touching the heating element.

Grease Flickers? Foods with high fat content can produce a small flicker of flame as fat spatters off the heating element. This is normal. However, if you see smoke or fire, turn off and unplug the machine and let it cool off. DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR until it has cooled down. Never put water on the Rotisserie. After it has cooled, check to see if the food has touched the heating element.

Never cook food larger than recommended in the booklet for your model of Showtime™ Rotisserie.


Advice and Suggestions Welcome

I finally found a legit place to post this homework assignment so I could link to it from here.
So if anyone wants to check out the (hopefully) completed version of this assignment, and give me feedback, I would really appreciate it!


Just in time to be absolutely useless


Defining Being the Only Person in the Universe with Free Will

I know, I know, I'm on a Vonnegut-kick, but who can blame me.
So Kilgore Trout is the fictional alter-ego of Vonnegut who appears throughout Vonnegut's works. The quote below is from a fictional book within the novel Breakfast of Champions, called Now It Can Be Told.
Now It Can Be Told was written in the form of a letter from the Creator of the Universe (who is Kilgore Trout, when you consider the Universe to be that which he fictionally creates through his fictional writing, science-fiction to be precise) to the only creature in the Universe with Free Will. What follows is the introduction of the book, which drove one of Vonnegut's other characters (other than Trout) insane, as he believed the letter was intended solely for him.
Anywho, What iit's like to be the only creature in the universe with free will:

"Dear sir, poor sir, brave sir: You are an experiment by the Creator of the Universe. You are the only creature in the entire Universe who has free will. You are the only one who has to figure out what to do next--and why. Everybody else is a robot, a machine.
"Some persons seem to like you, and others seem to hate you, and you must wonder why. They are simply liking machines and hating machines.
"You are pooped and demoralized. Why wouldn't you be? Of course it's exhausting, having to reason every time in a universe which wasn't meant to be reasonable.
"You are surrounded by loving machines, hating machines, greedy machines, unselfish machines, brave machines, cowardly machines, truthful machines, lying machines, funny machines, solemn machines. Their only purpose is to stir you up in every conceivable way, so the Creator of the Universe can watch your reactions. They can no more feel or reason than grandfather clocks.
"The Creator of the Universe would now like to apologize not only for the capricious, jostling companionship he provided during the test, but for the trashy, stinking condition of the planet itself. The Creator programmed robots to abuse it for millions of years, so it would be a poisonous, festering cheese when you got here. Also, He made sure it would be desperately crowded by programming robots, regardless of their living conditions, to crave sexual intercourse and adore infants more than almost anything.
"He also programmed robots to write books and magazines and newspapers for you, and television and radio shows, and stage shows, and films. They wrote songs for you. The Creator of the Universe had them invent hundreds of religions, so you would have plenty to choose among. He had them kill each other by the millions, for this purpose only: that you be amazed. They had commited every possible atrocity and every possible kindness unfeelingly, automatically, inevitably, to get a reaction from Y-O-U."
This last word was set in extra-large type and had a line all to itself, so it looked like this:
Y - O - U
"Every time you went into the library, the Creator of the Universe held His breath. With such a higgledy-piggledy cultural smorgasbord before you, what would you, with your free will, choose?
"Your parents were fighting machines and self-pitying machines. Your mother was programmed to bawl out your father for being a defective money-making machine, and your father was programmed to bawl her out for being a defective housekeeping machine. They were programmed to bawl each other out for being defective loving machines.
"Then your father was programmed to stomp out of the house and slam the door. This automatically turned your mother into a weeping machine. And your father would go down to a tavern where he would get drunk with some other drinking machines. Then all the drinking machines would go to a whorehouse and rent fucking machines. And then your father would drag himself home to become an apologizing machine. And your mother would become a very slow forgiving machine."


Just a quick sneak peek as I finish laying down audio. Now I think I have to break for dinner. See you tomorrow... oops, today!


How I Found Him.... and other writers

I found this version of Breakfast of Champions while wandering the boardwalk alone for the first time. I was 13, my sister had made me cry for the 5th time that morning, and my allowance of $10 was burning a hole in my pocket.
I was sneaking cigarettes and approaching the crazy art place, when I spotted a 3 ft. wide doorway lined with books. It looked to go back for miles, this visage of books. As I had just completed both my latest V.C. Andrews and Stephen King books, I was left with nothing new to read, and hence, I wandered in.
I leafed through a couple of titles I'd heard of – War & Peace for 75 cents, Kafka's The Stranger for a quarter – when my eye was caught by the look of a cereal box, limply pressed between gargantuan novels of no importance. The sea air was unkind to paperbacks, but I pulled Breakfast of Champions out in one piece. I scanned the back, flipped open to Vonnegut's drawing of an asshole (*), and my life was changed.
I continued to find amazing books, chosen for their covers, like Still Life with Woodpecker, which looked like a pack of Camels. That introduced me to Tom Robbins, who I hold up with Vonnegut as one of the greatest authors of our time.

To my hero


Finally Finished... and just in time for Peeping Tom!

My very own Weekly World News inspired cover! And a REAL Weekly World News cover....
I know I'm biased, but I like mine!

Yeah... I may be a little loopy tomorrow (like that's new!) since I am seeing Peeping Tom tonight at RamsHead Live! This is the first event I've gone to on a Friday night since school started!

Visual Narratives

I need a break from the other homework, so here it is...
Looking around, I realized that visual narration is dependent on our interpretation of iconography. Looking at this Buddha teaching 5 disciples,only tells a story if you can recognize Buddha, and understand the disciples are happily in a subservient position to Buddha, they are not being forced to praise some man-g-d.

If you include language, it still has to be understood by the audience. The image below is only funny if you recognize the context, and what these abbreviations mean... I'm pretty sure you all know by now that BRB is "Be right back" and LOL is "Laugh out loud", but my mom wouldn't!
P.S. I am sorry if this offends anyone.

These single images tell a much bigger story than the moment they depict, but only if you're in on the context. I was telling Wes about the afikomen at seder the other night while watching The Daily Show, because Jon Stewart made a joke about it, and then said "I just made 15 Jews happy." Being out of the loop makes trying to understand the narrative like listening to Dennis Miller on speed.

Even a renowned icon, such as The Cat in the Hat can be lost when it's in a language that few people know:

As mentioned in class, children's stories are the hardest to write and illustrate. But since they rely on illustration for those not yet able to read, their visual narration has to be clear so the reader or viewer can figure out the story for themselves. Shel Silverstein's story, The Missing Piece, is an excellent example of this.


Narration/Call to Action from Asylum Street Spankers

This may be risqué for some....

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